Advice
by Uselessly
Summary: Roy has to swallow his pride and ask Ed advice.


**Not very long, but it came in my mind around… 1:30 in the morning. XD So, what happened if Roy had to ask **_**Ed **_**for advice?**

**Found a new band. The White Tie Affair. Their voices sound pretty sexy. But not as sexy as Brendon Urie… He'll give you an eargasm. XD**

**Disclaimer: … Lol yeah right. Me? Own Fullmetal Alchemist?**

*0*

The dreaded question had been asked.

"Dad, how are babies made?"

Roy gulped. How would he answer this one? "Well, Maes... you come from your mother's stomach."

The eight year old rolled his honey colored eyes. "I knew that."

"Uhh... Well, maybe you should ask your mother..."

Maes shook his head. "Dad, I wanna hear it from you!"

Roy scratched his neck. His wife came in, peeking through the door.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Riza.

"He wants to know how babies are born." Her face grew pale.

"... I need to do the dishes." She exited out as soon as she had come in.

"Daaaaaad," whined the impatient boy. "I wanna know now, not when I'm as super old as Grandpa is!"

Suddenly, Roy had an idea. It'd take a big hit in his pride, but it was the best he could think of. "I've got to make a phone call; I'll tell you after that, okay?

"Fine..." Maes mumbled.

Roy quickly walked to the phone, dialing the number to his former subordinate's place.

"What the hell do ya' want?"

"Ed! Don't say that, you could be turning away potential customers!" a female voiced in the background.

"... Ehh, sorry. Rockbell Automail, would you like-"

"Hey, pipsqueak," Roy grinned.

"Hey! I'm not short anymore! Next time I see you, I'm going to take a knife and cut off your-"

"ED!"

"But it's the bastard..." the former alchemist complained.

"That's General Bastard to you." Roy got tired of standing and leaned against the small wooden table where the phone was. "I need help with Maes."

"What, did you drop your wedding ring in the toilet and made him get his head stuck trying to get it?" teased the blonde.

Roy blushed, clenching his fist. "For your information, shortstack, that only happened once! And no, I don't know how to tell him the truth."

"About what? That you're a bastar-"

"No!" interrupted the raven haired man. "And will you stop calling that?"

"Nope." Roy sighed.

"Fine. Well, Maes asked how... babies were made, and since Ryan is already eleven, I assumed he already knew. How do you break it to them?"

"Repeat after me," spoke Ed.

"Repeat after you."

"Your mother and I had sex."

"Your mother and I- wait, what? That can't possibly how you told your son!"

"What, did I do it wrong or something? Don't tell me how to parent my own children! I remember the time that you told Maes-"

"Whatever. Just hand the phone to Winry. I'm done talking to you."

Ed rolled his eyes and handed the phone to his wife.

"Hello, Mr. Mustang?" the feminine voice spoke.

"Yeah, how do you break it to your kid the stork isn't real?"

"Well," Winry explained. "This is what you say..."

*o*

Roy hung up the phone, thankful, and got off of the table.

"Dinner!" Riza called throughout the house. Two very excited black haired boys (and a dog) ran to the kitchen, ready to eat. Plates or steaming spaghetti were placed at everyone's seat. Maes jumped into his seat, shoveling down spaghetti.

"So, Dad, how are-" he tried to ask, food spitting everywhere.

"Maes!" scolded Riza. "Don't talk with your mouth full. And," she sighed. "You have tomato sauce all over your face…" She licked a napkin and started to wipe her son's messy face.

"Moooooom," he whined. Riza rolled her eyes and continued, while Roy snickered behind his plate.

"Don't make me do it to you next," warned Riza.

Roy grinned his signature smirked. "I wouldn't mind."

After dinner, Maes was playing with Black Hayate and Roy and Riza were in the couch, watching their son and talking.

"Dad," the boy said very matter-of-factly. "You haven't told me how babies are made yet."

"Come here and I'll tell you." The boy dropped the chewed up rope, to his furry friend's disappointment, and leaned into his father. Roy cupped his hand around his ear. "Well, when a man and a woman love each other very, very much..."

Maes listened intently, curiosity shining in his eyes. Soon, though, the expression turned surprised. His eyebrows rose. His eyes widened, out of confusion or disgust, no one knew. His mouth opened, gaping, ad his father whispered words into his ear.

"And that's how babies are created," finished Roy. "I did it!"

Maes sat there, stunned. "So... that's how babies are made?"

His father nodded.

"Why would you do something like that to Mom?" he asked, horrified. "Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Well, actually, your mother-" Riza nailed her husband with her elbow in the stomach, a soft 'whoosh' sound came out of him.

Roy coughed, getting his breath back in. "You have sharp elbows," he wheezed.

"Hmph."

Maes got over the weird way he was made, and thought for a second. "Why does Mom keep soft and fuzzy stickers on her side of the bathroom cabinet?"

**FIN.**

**So? Did you like? If so, review! 8D They are my kittens to Al.**

**Speaking of which, I played with two black and white kittens while volunteering at the animal shelter today… They chewed my shoelaces and climbed all over me. Adorable. 3**


End file.
